Author: absinraw

We can breakdown the lifecycle of a person, based on how we expect certain age numbers to mark as a shift in the state of our being. Like, hitting the 18-year mark and expecting the world to take you more seriously, legally. Or that 60-year mark, when your life starts to steer away from the road you have taken all your life and veer into these newer, greener pastures. I think the 30-year mark is the most transformative of the three.

The 18 year marks the explosive outpour of the youthful energy when you are ready to take the bull by its horns. Whereas the 60-year mark is the goodbye to an old friend, a life long-lived to achieve something you sought, moving on to the new chapter, one filled with fulfilment, contentment and what follows next. But 30-year mark is all about a crucial junction of both; that justifies the person you were at 18 and defines the person you will at 60.

Being 30 is chalking it out, the tentative plan of your life based on what you have accumulated till now, be it money, career, family, friends, or if nothing else then experience. Your eternal spring of youth now knows its depth. Your excitement knows better than poking some of the beehives that you would have confidently pelted stones at, at 18. You are not there yet and know that the journey is not going to be as breezy or beautiful as you thought it would. You are ready to accept it for what it is, with all of its flaws, and plan to make the best out of it. Being 30 is about acceptance.

No, I am not 30 yet. I still have a year to go. But trying to understand what lays ahead always takes me back to what all went by. Only by retracing it all I will be able to figure out the way forward. So, with the timer started, I have exactly a year left to figure it all out, or maybe to accept all that has been figured out till now.

Hence, this year is about fine-tuning my acceptance of situations around me. To address them, acknowledge them, and let it all breathe. Among the long list of things that needs to be wrapped up and tied with a neat bow to achieve it, one thing that’s going to be tricky is the abrupt endings.

I realised today while talking to my friend that the people who enter your life, the ones with whom you make memories, fall under three categories:

The best thing about people who stick with you for long enough is that they stick with you through thick and thin. The years you put under your belt do convert into some amazing relationships, no matter the distance or frequency. Yes, the underlying assumption is the fact that they should be good humans, but I have been lucky in that department. I have friends from all spheres of my life, who have stuck by with me. If we calculate the dissociative tendencies I exuberate at times, I cannot take any credit in this department other than the fact that I tried keeping honesty at the plinth of each of these relationships. No matter how hard the going has gotten, no matter what they wanted to hear, if I have been asked for my honest opinion, I have told them the truth without holding any punches. Maybe it is the trust that has generated from this fact, that it’s not as if I won’t lie to them, but I sure will not if I am asked not to. You not only live your memories with them but also keep creating new ones on the go.

Then there are people who belong to an alternate timeline now. You have been very close to them in the past, but due to situations, transitions, life in general, you end up phasing away from each other’s universe. Your fondest memories of them, are the recollections that always bring a smile to your face. It always feels as if the entire thing happened a few days, months, maybe years ago, but the truth is that your memories are of your school age, and they are having kids now. You have lived very different lives from those times, are most probably different human beings altogether now, but it fails to deter that smile, that fondness or that warmth that accompany those memories. You know if you cross your paths with them again, all it will take is just a smile to rekindle that warmth from the embers long-forgotten underneath the slumber of the life that happened.

At last, the ones who have gone, the abrupt endings. You are not talking to them anymore. You may or may not know why. They are people who couldn’t stick and couldn’t phase away. You fell apart at some point, due to reasons known or unknown, but they are defined by the fact that you do not know where you stand with them. If there has been a person that has been close to you ever and is not anymore, and they did not belong to the above-mentioned categories, just put them here. Mostly you will find those people here whom you wish could have moved to the “phased off organically” category. You are in a dilemma because you do not know where they stand in your list, or where do you stand in theirs. When a memory with them hits, you smile, which converts into a frown a few minutes later, wondering what happened. Even if you know what happened, you wonder, if that was supposed to be it? There are some people who are easier than others to shift from this category into the other two. And then there are people who are to be figured out.

I think my form of acceptance will be complete if I would be able to have zero inventory in the third category. No, it is not going to be easy. Yes, it is going to venture into some territories that might even open pandora’s box. But the best part about communication is that it is two-sided. One-sided communications are just attempts, that are harmless if not replied to. Rather than taking these attempts as an attack on your ego, you should be thankful for the fact that at least you tried, and that was what it meant to you, worth a shot. So you can move on, with a ball in their court. Anyhow, you will have an answer to your question the next time your mind plays a memory of them. If you are lucky enough, you will rediscover some amazing people that were lost as life happened, due to wrongly translated emotions, burdened expectations and situations. Worth a shot?

As I prepare to enter into my 30s with a year to spare, I want to be ready to be accepting enough for what my future holds, with the confidence that can come only by accepting what my past was. Acceptance about the people you have or have had in your life is just one of the many domains in which acceptance is required. It comes in different variants like your career, your family, life goals, even the meaning of life in general. But these are not the answers I am seeking. Maybe you are, and you should.

I just want to be ready, so that if I decide to take the bull by its horns sometimes post 30-year mark, I also remember to let it breathe a little and flung me upside down for a while too. After all, it’s my friend for this lifetime, life itself.