Tag: absinraw

  • RUB OFF

    RUB OFF

    Now when I find myself in a situation where I actually feel could possibly influence a few younger souls around me, knowingly or unknowingly, it makes me think hard what kind of influence would I prefer to be. I went through the memories of the teachers who taught me to the date, and a few stood distinctly out.

    Shashi Ma’am. I remember her from my KGs who taught me my Hindi letters. She always told my mother that I’ll make her proud. Thank God she never said around what age. That would have been an embarrassment. But her belief was something that still stumps me and fills my heart with gratefulness altogether.

    Naqvi Ma’am, my second std. class teacher. She taught me that the first step of answering a question is knowing the complete question. We had the story of Alibaba and the Forty Thieves in our English syllabus, but it had an abrupt ending. As kids, we knew better than being hung on the ending, like we did later after Inception. We didn’t know that it covered just half of the story. So she took an extra period just to tell us about Scheherazade and the thousand tales, because she believed we should know it all to grasp the true learning from it. Or maybe because it was too fun.

    Saxena Ma’am, English teacher in the senior secondary school, who even after knowing that English as a subject is my strength, always kept focusing on the looser parts of it. Never allowing me to be complacent about the fact that the English exams which people dreaded for never having ample time to solve, were wrapped up in half time by me. (Yeah I am a snob here)

    But the teacher I think I would prefer to imitate, or the one who had the greatest impact on me would be Mr Brucey Parera, 8th std. class teacher. He was the man.. masculinity personified, maybe even with the hint of a certain toxicity. But what I would want to copy from him, would be his ideology of what should be taught to whom. He said to me once, “You might be a very good academic student, and sorry if me telling this hurts you, but you don’t have any practical awareness. Life lies beyond the books. Learn what you do not know.” He said, “I cannot teach what I do not know. But if I do not teach everything I know, what’s the point of teaching? So try to learn whatever I ask you to.”

    At this point, I think I’ll throw in everything I know. Even if one right thing rubs off to someone in the right way, I would have done something right. Right?

  • MORNING DREAMS DON’T COME TRUE

    MORNING DREAMS DON’T COME TRUE

    I was startled to see her today. She looked exactly as I remembered when I last saw her on my phone before I deleted her pictures. I held anger inside me; against myself; against her; against situations; against taken decisions. Against God.

    Seething red hot anger in a deep pit, under layers of seemingly burnt-to-crisp charcoal. Where all naked eyes could see, is grey dust, but if they are unlucky, their nose would catch the stench of the charred and burnt flesh, dissipating from the heart buried at the core of the pit. I thought it was impossible for it to sense anything given its state.

    But then she looked at me and smiled.
    The purgatory my heart existed in, ceased to exist. As if it never suffered.

    Which was when I woke up.

    Maybe, when you are constantly in a certain level of pain, your body is able to take it as the new benchmark for normal, recalibrating your pain scale. Maybe that dream was the fresh breeze that helped my heart to restore back to full health, to continue facing the purgatory it resides in.

    I am now able to understand how some people willingly spend their lives in pursuit of something that surely exists, but not in the realm of logic, but lucky, purely coincidental accidents. It changes from funny, to inspiring, to sad depending on how long you have been chasing it.

    I thought I will stop a stop before sad. Then her smile revived my heart yet again. I hope it turns into ashes soon enough before the dreaded destination arrives.

  • “BLACK AND WHITE” – Poem

    “BLACK AND WHITE” – Poem

    Had love been able

    to be described,

    in either jet black

    or bone white,

    we would have been

    walking on the tightrope,

    dead centre,

    calling ourselves darkness,

    labeling each other the light.

  • STILL TEACHING

    STILL TEACHING

    “Till the time didi was here, this tree used to be laden with guavas, and now not even a single one could be seen.”, Kaija remarked while looking at the guava branch above her, which was filled with leaves and flowers, but not a single fruit. In Kumaooni language, Kaija is used to address your mother’s sister. But for us she was Kaija, like she was for our mother.

    Upon hearing her, my mind was suddenly flooded with Naniji’s memories. As those nostalgic feelings welled inside me, my head tilted towards the guava tree, which was now in full view. For a moment, I could picture her underneath the tree, trying to pluck guavas for us.

    I walked to the spot where I just imagined her and looked up towards the tree again. Suddenly my eyes could spot a guava, as green as the leaves but a guava nonetheless, hanging where I saw her plucking the fruits from. Before I could break this news to Kaija, my eyes spotted two tiny guavas on another branch, which just budded maybe a few days ago. At the other end, I saw a fully grown and ripe guava, waiting to be eaten.

    A smile broke out as I plucked it and murmered, “Needed just a change of perspective. Still teaching me things..”

  • “गुम” – Poem

    “गुम” – Poem

    मैं गुम हो चला हूँ,
    कहीं खो गया हूँ,
    लावारिस पड़ा हूँ,
    कहाँ आ गया हूँ?

    ये राहें नई सी,
    नज़ारे पुराने,
    कदम आगे-आगे,
    समय पीछे भागे।

    है डर संगी-साथी,
    तन्हाई परछाईं,
    हूँ बेड़ी मैं खुद की,
    मैं खुद की रिहाई।

    धुंधले कुछ इरादे,
    बदनीयत के तकाज़े,
    शराफत का चोला,
    मासूमियत के लबादे।

    मैं थक सा गया हूँ,
    बताता नहीं हूँ,
    कईं नज़रें चुप हैं,
    कईं चेहरे गुम हैं।

    मैं भी गुमशुदा हूँ,
    वहीं खो गया हूँ,
    ना हक़ हूँ किसी का,
    यहीं घुल गया हूँ।

    – absinraw