Tag: article

  • MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHANGE

    MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CHANGE

    Recently, my relationship with a certain word has been in a difficult position. I thought it had mended after struggling for so long over the years, but was found otherwise. The word is “change”.

    My journey to reach where I stand currently has been quite long. I started from being the boy who wanted a few constants in his life forever, and then I was the wreck, who seethed at the state of those constants after almighty time shaped them beyond familiarity then. Finally, I was able to understand that the “not so familiar” constants then, were not the only part of the equation that determine the changes. It took me quite some time to accept, that I changed too, which also changed the equation, making those constants more distorted than they were. Only then I was able to make my peace with the changing relationships with the people around me. With the fact, that how a friend for whom I switched a school once, is now a friend whose profile I find at times in my IG while scrolling. Or the girl for whom I travelled 400 km in a day once, is now someone I accidentally skipped wishing on her b’day. I am not saying that all these changes happened because of them or me. Change happens due to multiple reasons, but we are one of those reasons too. So when things start to feel not the same, the first thing that needs to be checked is us.

    Before diving more into it, I need to clarify a basic thing which many times people assume about change. Change is neither good nor bad. Change is change, like a fact. The outcomes of it are what hit people differently. And because the outcomes have their relevance aligned with the people they impact; they can be molded by those people themselves. If tomorrow rain occurs in the middle of the advent of summer, which would be a change, its outcome to someone like me who travels daily would be pleasant weather to ride my bike in, but for a farmer who was waiting to harvest his/her crop over somewhere else, would possibly cry tears of blood. So the question that asks to be answered here is, how blaming the change can be the solution to the problem if the outcome depends on who took the impact? You cannot control the change. What you can control is always the outcome.

    Coming back to my difficult relationship with change, it has been in this state due to the perceived meaning and notion around it. My life currently has a lot of factors that have contributed to the changes occurring in it. These changes are as varied as an increase in my curiosity about the social scenarios around me, to being in a relationship with an amazing person, to changes at work, and many more. These changes are connected through many different threads with different outcomes for me and people affected by me. As the outcomes differ for everyone, the impact they have on everyone is different too. But the difference between outcomes and changes are not very clear in the eyes of people, which has put all the burden the outcomes were supposed to carry, on the changes themselves.

    Tell me honestly, if you never have been a part of a similar conversation, when a person in your group has recently started seeing someone, as a result of which they spend less time with you, and the talk that happens in the group is, “Since they have been in the relationship, he/she is changed. He/she doesn’t even hang around much.” The simple outcome, which was the lack of availability of the person, which due to any reason was an issue, is directed instead to the change. Even I have been a part of such conversations. Change is crucial to be understood to deal with the outcome, but that’s where the role of the change ends. It’s the outcome that needs to be addressed. At times there are some outcomes that can only be modified if the change itself is modified, or is changed itself, even then, the process has to be the same.

    My relationship with the word started straining when the people around me, especially the ones closest to me, started negating the fact that the outcomes that they are being affected by, are not due to the changes, or me, but them. This stressed relationship between them and the outcomes is being transferred to my relationship with the changes, knowingly or unknowingly. It is also having different kinds of impact on me, both short term and long term, making me question if what I am doing is enough, where I do not even know what I am supposed to do. I find myself consistently defending the changes I am proud of, and that is not a healthy thing at all. When I start thinking about it from a third person’s perspective, it terrifies me to imagine what others would go through in the same scenario. I deem myself to be a pretty confident person, but I find myself questioning my own decisions and what other possible paths I could have taken, leading to even questioning if the changes in question are right for me in the first place. It is like carrying a burden that is not even yours, for no reason, and it is not helping anyone.

    Which brings us to another question, to what extent are you responsible for mending the relationships of the people around you with the outcomes of the changes? This question does not have a simple answer, still to put it in a statement addressing the utmost priority, I would say, to the extent beyond which it does not have any deteriorating effect on you. You can only help someone if you are in the right headspace. With that sentiment taking top priority, there is no expiry date to the duration or maximum capacity barrier to the load you can offer support to. It requires patience and self-belief to navigate through it.

    This piece was a part of therapy for my relationship with the changes in my life that I needed to put into a proper perspective, and I think it has solved its purpose. For anyone who reads it, I would like to urge you to keep asking yourself about the distinction and work towards outcomes of the changes, so that you and people around you could absorb changes, as they intend to be. After all, change is the only constant in this world.

  • TALKING TO THE MOON

    Yup. The title of this.. article, is inspired (stolen) from a song in my all time favourite list, Talking To The Moon – Bruno Mars.

    986296-bruno-mars

     

    Why the sudden attachment with the moon you ask?

    Nothing too special about it. Just that when I looked up towards the sky tonight, I was greeted by the Crescent Moon. And it suddenly stuck me. Crescent Moon seems much more beautiful than the Full Moon.

    Now, before you either go “Duh! Obviously!” or “He’s definitely gone insane!” on me, let me make my case. For why I loved the Full Moon until tonight, and why I changed my mind upon having a closer look at the Crescent Moon.


    Why I loved Full Moon-
    full-moon-nasa

    Swear by God and say, that one random night when you find the enlarged heavenly sphere called Moon, with the yellowish tint, rising in the sky, you could possibly ignore it’s presence. Any other day, you have to seek it. Maybe even search it amidst the clouds throughout the sky. But no sir, not on a Full Moon day. You might debate whether it looks magnanimous (different preferences amongst yellowish hue or snow white texture), but it does capture your awe, interest and my admiration, always.

    It’s embarrassing to admit, but when I was a kid, stuck neck deep in puppy love, the Full Moon always ended up being the substitute of the person subjected to that puppy love. Every time the Full Moon peeked through the window besides my bed, I wished it “Good Night”, hoping that somewhere the subjected person might be throwing a glance or two at it’s beauty too. And the wishes would indirectly be conveyed.

    As I said, puppy love.

    Full Moon has its own charm. The most complete form of the moon. Flaunting it’s scars in absolute glory. It always felt like it spoke to me, that the true beauty of a person reflects when the person acknowledges and embraces his imperfections. I always thought Full Moon when personified seems so brave, so gallant, knight-like. A presence you simply cannot ignore or dare ridicule.

    Until I noticed Crescent Moon tonight, and wondered if that’s the case.


    Why Crescent Moon now-
    crescent_moon

    Crescent Moon is the Moon at its bare minimum visibility. Just before the Moon disappears, or just after it appears. It is not imposing like the Full Moon with a strong presence demanding your attention. Rather a soft presence in the sky which your eyes stumble upon completely unexpected, like finding a treasure. It makes Full Moon look like, not a knight bearing it’s scar bravely on its chest, but an arrogant presence wearing it’s imperfections like a garland. For the first time I thought Full Moon just boasts its size as if saying, “I am huuuuuuuuge!” (Imagine it in a certain American President’s voice) “I have imperfections, but who cares cause I am huuuuuuuge!”

    Yeah, maybe Crescent Moon got an advantage just because it was able to let me see Full Moon under a whole new light (Other than the Sun’s. I meant the other Blondie).

    But Crescent Moon in itself seems very pure, very fundamental. The cycle of Moon begins with it and ends at it. Like the circle of life maybe? Or simply because it reminded me of the striking similarity between it and the human life cycle, where the Infancy and Old Age are the two opposite ends, yet the same.

    So, if Full Moon once inspired me to take pride in myself the way I am, taught me self-acceptance (before it’s image tainted), Crescent Moon reminded me of simplicity, modesty. The truth of life.

    Maybe at the junction in my life where I am, sitting comfortably observing people around me, I resonate more with the impression Crescent Moon has left me with. Maybe that’s why my liking switched.

    Or maybe, the Full Moon is too huuuuuuuuge!

    Anyway, which one do you prefer?

  • LITTLE THREADS OF SEPARATION

    SEPARATION – (noun) the action or state of moving or being moved apart.

    That is how the dictionary defines the word. But the beauty of it is what meaning it holds, even without a particular context. There itself lies the irony of it. A detailed discussion with a friend today suddenly made me realize the importance this word has held in my life. It has been a great teacher. That is why I treat both, the teacher and its teachings with reverence.

    Love, is like a fabric. Not a silk one, that’s just how you picture it. In reality, it is a fabric with the irregular texture, comprising of patches and holes. Some area of it seems worn out and the other feels quite new. Sometimes the fabric feels like a second skin, whereas at other times you realise that it just doesn’t fit your taste.

    Separation, thus can be compared with the cut placed on the bundle of this fabric you own, each time a piece is taken out of our life.

    My grandmother passed away when I was 14. I remember clearly, how my brain simply found itself unable to process the reality. I still feel that this statement lacks the ability to justify the depth of my inability to get in terms with it. Your parents always love you and have faith in you, same as mine. But Naani was a person who made me feel that there was a hidden power inside me, something about which I am still not aware of. In her eyes, I was the epitome of a good human being, brimming with possibilities. Even today, whenever I face a situation which leaves me clueless and raises questions at myself, the memory of my reflection in her eyes gives me an immense boost of confidence. It makes me believe, that I’ll definitely be able to come up with something somehow.

    My love towards her was the piece of fabric that had been cut a long time ago. Strangely, the cut was so clean that by the time I could comprehend her loss, the separated piece had already woven itself with my conscience in the form of an unlimited reserve of confidence based on her belief in me.

    But the transition is not so smooth each time. Not every piece of the fabric called love is cut with such finesse. On the contrary, most of the cuts just refuse to be neat. The struggle through which the pieces go when cut off, is clearly visible, not only on them but on the entire bundle itself. At times, the fabric is unwillingly torn apart into these pieces by others. In any case, what we end up with is a tattered piece of fabric, giving away loose threads from its edges. Unrequited love, unfulfilled love, incomplete love, failed love, these all are samples of the above-mentioned tattered piece. They are the ones which deteriorate over time, as the threads of the separation loosen up and disintegrate the fabric each time it is used, be it in as a memory, or a reference.

    However, these odd pieces, putting their threads of separation at the display, are the ones which have also taught me about the importance of the two key things. Acceptance and Closure. I cannot dare say that I have come even close to embrace either of these. But yes, I do accept the fact that they are the key to put the odd pieces into better use. Maybe weave them together to create something new altogether. A blanket of love, ending up the way love is, imperfect. A reminder of all the components that have been involved in the making of it. Maybe that will aid in finding a continuous piece of fabric that is constantly being used and doesn’t need to cut till eternity. Or it will just teach us how to cut it cleaner; cuts after cuts after cuts.

    Hence, Acceptance and Closure themselves are the sewing machine to stitch close the loose ends of the tattered piece of the fabric. They give a final definition to your complex feelings. They try to even out the torn edges, give it a seam maybe, to preserve them as a standalone memory. So you end up with the ability to recollect the old and once familiar warmth of the fabric, without the baggage. I just wish if the world was so ideal.

    These machines are quite costly. And no, you cannot just throw money to own them. The currency they deal in involves a combination of patience, empathy and most importantly, love. Sometimes they ask for self love, whereas in other cases, just the respect towards the love which once existed, irrespective of the presence or absence of its traces around. People who can shell out this cost with the blink of an eye can be deemed uber rich, marking less than 0.01% of the total human population. Normal people like us take our time, first to assess if the machines are worth it, because it will take a lot of time emotionally to collect the droplets of all three for it. Then some more, to actually go through the process.

    The sadly honest part is, majority of us decide against it. We decide to get rid of the piece itself. Why bother spending so much? Why put so much efforts to save something which is no longer a part of you? Let it rot or wither away and get lost in the passage of time. Even better if you could shove the piece of fabric in the other person’s throat and let them choke on it. Ain’t it convenient to blame others for what went down? “Chuck it and move forward” ranks in as the second best option. However I feel if you could go through the second option, we might not be talking about the same fabric altogether.

    Another lesson I have learned from separation is the beauty of a relationship. I learned to see it and appreciate it. Separation does that to you. You learn to understand the intricacies of a close knit relationship, and to respect it for what it is. I know that the word relationship in itself restricts the imagination to a limited examples in your life, but look wider. The truest essence of what an ideal separation is, could be found in your childhood memories.

    Your best friend when you were 6, do you have any clue where they are or what are they doing now?
    If yes, are you still in contact, in touch anyhow?
    Yes again?
    Then are they still your best friend?
    It’s most probably a no.
    Did you forget the person?
    No.
    The memories you had with them?
    As clear as they come.
    What happens when you tap into them?
    You end up feeling warm, nostalgic. You are completely aware of the fact that these days will not come again. Maybe you would like to revisit them together someday. But you don’t bet on it. You accept them for what they were, what they meant to you then and now, acknowledging their place and importance in your life.

    That’s how separation should ideally be. But we don’t live in a perfect world. I hardly think that the separations you will go through would end up even close. However, as the lines of one my all time favourite song goes –

    You’d have to walk a thousand miles
    In my shoes, just to see
    What it’d be like, to be me
    I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes
    Just to see what I’d be like to
    Feel your pain, you feel mine
    Go inside each other’s mind
    Just to see what we find
    Look at shit through each other’s eyes

    Because the most crucial thing which you must always remember is, the fabric called love gets cut in pairs. It’s never just about your bundle. These little threads of separation are possibly the only thing common left. Savour it.

  • V-DAY: To be or Not to be

    Valentine’s day is around the corner once again. The marketing gimmick laid down by the modern-day cupids has already been started a week ahead of it. You have to go through the rigorous cycle of different days, dedicated to specifics. I mean, Rose day is the only day that can actually be defended if attempted, that it makes sense.

    First of all, celebrating just one kind of love is in itself a mockery of love. Love in any form should be celebrated if you want to celebrate any festival as such in the first place. I don’t know if St. Valentine wanted everyone to celebrate love in just one dimension. Like, if someone would have asked him if they could celebrate the love they feel towards their family or friends on this day, he wouldn’t have plainly refused. I don’t think he was aware that in the later centuries we’ll have specific days to celebrate love towards our mother, father and friends. (Do we have a sibling’s day?)

    It is safe to say that St. Valentine’s motive was to celebrate the love in its purest form, not just an element of it.

    Coming back to the modern layout, the road to valentine day, these specific days are hilarious in themselves. If we take the modern idea of V-day into consideration, the love we celebrate has just two components-  the two people in love with each other. Now, keeping every other “day” away just for a second, “Teddy day” is the one that makes the least sense. Statistically, the majority of these couples celebrating V-day are a female and a male, and trust me that the number of males getting a teddy on a “Teddy day” is pretty scarce, because this day is designed for females. Hence, I think that there must be a female brain behind the idea of introducing this entire Valentine week concept.

    Or a company who makes teddy bears, chocolates and other relevant gifts. Maybe a female CEO of such company! (Conspiracy theory)

    Apart from the ruining of a genuinely warm idea of celebrating love by some corporate marketing strategy everyone succumbs too, there is another aspect to it which is even uglier, and limited to our great nation. The group of people against celebrating the festival of love. They are the people whom I have always kept as my Plan-C, in case I had to opt for a runaway wedding. Just walk publicly with the girl you want to marry on V-day and lo! You’ll be married to her before you even know it. Even family members won’t be able to say anything as you can push the blame on these really nice, socially helpful and responsible people. Yeah, there is a good chance that you’ll get beaten and your face will be blackened, but then it’s better to have a set of pissed off parents for the rest of your life (Saasu Maa and Sasur ji).

    There is also this amazing community called “the Singles”. These bright and lively people look forward to this day the most, so that they can dread it. They prepare themselves with the curses they would dedicate to the couples on this auspicious occasion, along with the usage of social media to condemn it to hell. They sit at their home because the sun is too bright outside, stock their fridge with Chocochip Ice-cream and their laptops with Rom-Com movies, weaving dreams of being on the other side of the rope next V-Day.

    I may or may not belong to this category.

    On a sincere note, the idea of celebrating love on just one specific day is weird. If you are in love with someone, why would you wait for a specific day to express it when it exists 365 days around? (You can take an off in the leap year) You will love them even if it’s not 14th of February. You will give them gifts not because there is a specific day for it, but because you feel like doing it. A specific lineup shouldn’t tell you the order in which you ought to do things for your loved ones, specifically for hugs and kisses 😛

    Valentine’s Day should exist, not for the people who are in love, but for those who are not accustomed to it, who have been deprived of it, who need it the most. It should be dedicated to make them feel the warmth of love, to give them hope. In this world, full of complexities, a simple gesture of love holds the power to solve the tangles in people’s heart. There is much more to this day and the intentions of St. Valentine. Sometimes, we need to read between the lines. Let’s try to introduce love this time, in a life which needs it. You’ll get to know how the purest form of it feels.

    Cheers to love!

    –X–

    OK, I admit. After going through the rant above again and again, it does sound stupid. It’s not bad to express the love you feel. To have a day as a reminder for the little things which remain unspoken usually. To dedicate at least a day solely for the feeling which you usually are afraid to even admit. And it’s not even necessary to believe in this day itself. To each his/her own.

    Frankly speaking, this day marks as a bookmark in the year, which just makes everyone aware in one way or the other of how important the presence of someone in your life is. The people bestowed  by it celebrate it, rest eat ice-cream being hopeful. I’ll try to be the third party this time who does’t even remember that such a day exists. Ignorance is bliss.. 🙂

     

     

  • HUMANITY OF HUMANS

    I have often wondered where we are going, as humans. We had our ancestors from the missing link which resulted as a split between us and our distant cousins, apes and monkeys. But what is the next step of the evolution for us? Humans are known to be social animals. In the future would this still stand to be true? To understand about this textbook human, we need to move out of metro cities. To a city, where human history had flourished and the traces of the human civilization could be found easily.

    The city I’ve been recently to, Agra, is pretty ancient. There is something about these cities, these old, congested, haphazard structures of wood and bricks woven by narrow lanes, shabby markets. It brings forth a certain charm and sends calmness through eyes to the brain, finally reaching and soothing the heart. Suddenly, I started feeling as if I am home. Yes, looks can be deceiving. Though the heart can resist the playful visuals, what reinforces this homely belief is, strangely, the people of this city.

    Strangely, not because this is something unexpected, that genuine human beings who live as a community cease to exist. Just because we don’t get to see it pretty often. Specially in the kind of cities I am living in, metro cities. Again, not because the people living in metros don’t have the humane touch any more. They just don’t have the time, to be in touch with it. Its funny and ironic at the same time, that the cities which pull people in, breathe aspirations into them, seem to seep away the humane tendencies of humans itself.

    Many might argue that I am wrong. And I might be, if we see it from their perspective. The humans of metros have set a humanity standard for themselves according to which they measure their own humanity. It’s like the coffee you store in your fridge. You use it in tiny quantities, and use that standardized quantity to measure the number of servings you could squeeze out of that tiny bottle.

    But don’t you think that humanity was supposed to be like a seed? To plant it, water it, nurture it and get more seeds, thus the cycle continues. The usage should lead to its increase, instead of being used miserly as something on the verge of extinction. The evolution of humans have been going in a different way. We have been evolved from animals. Using a broader term because it’s not the physical aspect I am trying to focus on. Therefore, from the existence of raw instincts and emotions, to a refined being with logical and intricate emotions and thought processes. The next step of evolution however seems to have taken a direction which involves the lack of emotions, more of rational logic, which are guided by circumstantial environments.

    To use simpler words, animals > humans > robots.

    And the more interesting part is that the society today could also be divided into these three categories, just on the basis of their societal quotient. Maybe that is the reason of the social unrest and an increase in level of dis-accord, because on a fundamental level, we have started to be different from each other. Just due to different level of compassion levels towards others.

    Now when I read it out loud, it is more funny than interesting. Because this variation of level depends upon the geographical location of a person. The humans are merely adopting in accordance to their environment. It’s the geography that has been evolving. With the majority of young aged population moving to the metro cities and their expanding boundaries, the quantity of robots over humans is going to increase. Not only that will boost the number of robots, but the expansion of metro cities in to neighboring suburban areas would lead to a slow conversion of the geographies into metropolitan culture, and the evolution of the society in the entirety.

    Maybe, the Agra I know today, won’t exist tomorrow. Or similar cities as such. The structures would be there as a reminder of the timeline to which it belonged, but nothing to remind the kind of humans that once existed. Some scientist will just come up with a hypothetical theory, regarding where these new breed of robots evolved from.

    But then U.S is going to have a new president soon enough. That result debunks this entire robot evolution thought and lets me sleep peacefully at night.