Tag: love

  • TO THE BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH

    TO THE BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH

    Dear Butterflies,

    Long time no see!

    I thought you all moved to someplace else, because it had been quite some time since I last heard from you. I was confused then, struggling to understand whether the absence was good or bad.

    I still am, about your return.

    No matter how much I enjoy the fleeting feeling of nervousness that zaps through my body like a jolt from fingers to toes, it’s hard not to notice the companions that seek you. I don’t blame you for them, but you all did hang around with”uncertainty” and “rejection” all day long in the past. You definitely have attracted some bad company in the past, and I can still see their faces lurking out just outside the gates.

    It always puts me in a difficult position, because I really enjoy being with you all. I always find a different side of myself in your presence, a much happier side. But I also hate to see you rush away as soon as those guys show up. Past mistakes are hard to wash away at times.

    I wish I was strong enough to stand up against them earlier, but they were strong, and ruthless. Now, I think I can deal with them, but putting you into the mix changes things. I don’t think I am capable enough to save you yet. If I decide to stand up for you, we both will suffer.

    So even though it was a thrill to meet you after so long, I think you should go back. It’s not safe for you yet. Maybe you should not pay me a visit for a while. Let’s maintain the distance for mutual safety and non-exposure to your street-side romeos.

    I hope the time comes when I’ll be strong enough to welcome you back and to protect you. Till then, just be alive.

    I’ll find you, I guess.

    Yours,

    Absinraw

  • DEPARTURE AT ENTRY GATE NO. 7

    DEPARTURE AT ENTRY GATE NO. 7

    “Was it always supposed to be this tough…?” He asked while we both looked at the plane in the sky zooming in and passing by us for the runway. The years have just changed the location from railway platforms to airport terminals. The doubts, the fatigue of the redundant questions with no right answers still lingered at our shoulders. More so over mine, as to be it for the better or for the worse, my life was not even on the line.

    “Are we talking about the decision or the execution?” I tried to steer away from a confrontational debate just before he flew back to his home. It was of no use filling him up with my ‘radical’ thought process because he’s not that person. He’s not that son, he’s not that brother. He cared a lot. He would rather give up his dreams, his happiness rather than fighting for it. Me? I didn’t even know what I would have done. I could speak a ton, but I could never put myself in his shoes. They are quite heavy. Or maybe I am just too used to carrying my own peculiar weight.

    “I have made my decision.” His voice was pretty firm. It rarely is. A smile appeared on my face as I turned away to look at the large watch hanging at the gate no. 7 of the airport entry. Ten minutes and he’d move to check-in. “What about execution?” I asked as I found him checking his wristwatch for the confirmation. “What do you think?” He questioned me as if he’ll do it whatever was that I’ll speak of. All I could reply was a sigh. You can’t appear light when families are involved. Had it been a few years back, I would have suggested him to elope, as I have had on several occasions. We had a good laugh immediately after those too. On one occasion, we were at the verge of orchestrating it, but time went against us. This time it seems neutral.

    “What about her? What does she have to say?” I enquired before making any comment. He laughed as if I have told him the funniest joke he has heard in recent times. “What do you think she would say? She’s the one keeping me in check, talking sense into me.” I wasn’t surprised at all. He was damn lucky that way. I am not a jealous person at all, but I was jealous of him. And I had come clean about it many a time. If I had what he had found, I would have run away with it like my life was on the line. But here we stood to discuss the execution of a decision which is, hard. The only option they had, which was less practical, more idealistic. The option to wait.. till they can be together.

    “Then you know what to do!” I cheered him as if that’s the best decision anybody could have come up with. Probably it was, but I had turned too practical for my own good. I doubted how it would fare when your mother cries in front of you, your father refuses to talk to you as for him you have gone insane, and your brother is just being as practical and Mr Know-it-all as I was. But I realized that he knows it too, and its confirmation is not what he needs. What he needs is an affirmation, that some things are worth fighting against the odds. Some people, are worth much more. They find each other adding exponential value to each other. I am not a gambler, but if I had to bet my everything on a victory, this would have been it.

    “We’ll see how it goes.” His answer defied what his face let out, a relaxed grin, as he picked up his bag, gave me a hug, and walked towards the entry gate no. 7. Whereas, I stood there wondering, what would have happened if I had fallen in love with a girl, whose faith differed than mine.


  • MORNING DREAMS DON’T COME TRUE

    MORNING DREAMS DON’T COME TRUE

    I was startled to see her today. She looked exactly as I remembered when I last saw her on my phone before I deleted her pictures. I held anger inside me; against myself; against her; against situations; against taken decisions. Against God.

    Seething red hot anger in a deep pit, under layers of seemingly burnt-to-crisp charcoal. Where all naked eyes could see, is grey dust, but if they are unlucky, their nose would catch the stench of the charred and burnt flesh, dissipating from the heart buried at the core of the pit. I thought it was impossible for it to sense anything given its state.

    But then she looked at me and smiled.
    The purgatory my heart existed in, ceased to exist. As if it never suffered.

    Which was when I woke up.

    Maybe, when you are constantly in a certain level of pain, your body is able to take it as the new benchmark for normal, recalibrating your pain scale. Maybe that dream was the fresh breeze that helped my heart to restore back to full health, to continue facing the purgatory it resides in.

    I am now able to understand how some people willingly spend their lives in pursuit of something that surely exists, but not in the realm of logic, but lucky, purely coincidental accidents. It changes from funny, to inspiring, to sad depending on how long you have been chasing it.

    I thought I will stop a stop before sad. Then her smile revived my heart yet again. I hope it turns into ashes soon enough before the dreaded destination arrives.

  • देखो

    देखो

    मेरी प्यास से सूखे हुए चेहरे की दरारें नहीं,
    आँखों में पानी को चाहने की जद्दोज़हद देखो।




  • “BLACK AND WHITE” – Poem

    “BLACK AND WHITE” – Poem

    Had love been able

    to be described,

    in either jet black

    or bone white,

    we would have been

    walking on the tightrope,

    dead centre,

    calling ourselves darkness,

    labeling each other the light.