Tag: marriage

  • IN SEARCH OF THE EFFORTLESS JOY WE LEFT BEHIND

    IN SEARCH OF THE EFFORTLESS JOY WE LEFT BEHIND

    My earliest memory of a family wedding is the one which took place in the winter of 2000, 26 of January. My younger Mamaji got married when I was in 3rd std. I remember the functions went on for 2-3 days with the entire house filled with family members, where everyone was providing a helping hand in everything happening around inside a house filled with festivities. Everyone was busy, everyone was enjoying, everyone was happy. That’s how I remember it. And today, I wish only if it could still feel that easy.


    We are standing 22 years after, trying to replicate the same atmosphere, with none of the same inputs present. Maybe that is the main problem behind trying to recreate nostalgia within the absolute lack of the same dynamics, circumstances, resources, time and thought process. I’ve heard this multiple times, “Marriage is the starting of a relationship not only between two individuals but two families.” and I have wondered how important does the role of the perception of the wedding plays in it.


    No, I am not questioning solely the extravagant weddings, the ones with pre-wedding photoshoots and trailers, but any preconceived notion about how a wedding is supposed to be. Some associate the inclusion of all the people who have ever sent a wedding invitation to your family, as a valid entry into the guest list. Some feel that until and unless the baraatis have coiled on the concrete road to the tune of an handkerchief imitating a magical musical instrument, also termed as “Naagin Dance” in some areas of the country, the wedding is incomplete. From compulsorily having a chaat/coffee counter, to playing the correct entry song for the bride/groom’s appearance on the stage, the wedding validation parameters feel innumerable, absence of any of which might have a detrimental impact on the participant’s experience of the same.


    On top of this, COVID 19 has opened a new door, the view of which is being equally loved and hated by wedding enthusiasts. Virtual wedding is both a boon and a curse for these wedding enthusiasts. Whereas a fraction of people are loving the minimalistic setup with the possible appearance of only near and dear ones, even virtually at times, with the overall budget dropping exponentially, another segment has put a pause on their wedding plans until lockdown opens, otherwise live Naagin Dance kaise dekhenge?


    Coming back to the dilemma, it is not easy liking the idea of a wedding that needs to take place in a banquet hall when your ideal wedding would either be court marriage, a plain temple wedding, or any simpler format if available (also read as virtual wedding, runaway wedding). An event where the parents do not spend a single penny, and the bride and groom have the right to choose to spend if anything at all seems fair. But these choices do not usually seem very inclusive of near and dear ones who would like to be a part of your big day. Hence, the more “balanced” way to spend one of the most important days in your life, is to make it a family event, which ideally is not that bad of an idea. Other than the fact that it is going to be a financial burden on any newly married couple, unless they end up asking their families to sponsor the wedding, or a part of it.


    A better idea, would be for the selected venue/city to be the one where either family resides so that the preparation burden and costing could be reduced substantially, only if the circumstances allowed it. Hence, in an attempt to chase something witnessed 22 years ago, amidst possible COVID wave 3, you might end up finding yourself in something that you should have been happy about, but feel more trapped in.


    It is not as if a version of it is not possible at all. A version where your near and dear ones would be able to gather along to celebrate the day with the couple and shower them with their blessings. But the way it seems to be fulfilled in the current scenario, with the situations and limitations at hand, does not fall under the general wedding perception. And saying a no to what has been taken up, comes with a cost that is equally heavy as the cost of going through.


    All that can be done now, is to watch the clock strike 22, and be a part of the race until you reach the finish line. Doesn’t matter at what number, more so if you are riding the ghodi.

  • DEPARTURE AT ENTRY GATE NO. 7

    DEPARTURE AT ENTRY GATE NO. 7

    “Was it always supposed to be this tough…?” He asked while we both looked at the plane in the sky zooming in and passing by us for the runway. The years have just changed the location from railway platforms to airport terminals. The doubts, the fatigue of the redundant questions with no right answers still lingered at our shoulders. More so over mine, as to be it for the better or for the worse, my life was not even on the line.

    “Are we talking about the decision or the execution?” I tried to steer away from a confrontational debate just before he flew back to his home. It was of no use filling him up with my ‘radical’ thought process because he’s not that person. He’s not that son, he’s not that brother. He cared a lot. He would rather give up his dreams, his happiness rather than fighting for it. Me? I didn’t even know what I would have done. I could speak a ton, but I could never put myself in his shoes. They are quite heavy. Or maybe I am just too used to carrying my own peculiar weight.

    “I have made my decision.” His voice was pretty firm. It rarely is. A smile appeared on my face as I turned away to look at the large watch hanging at the gate no. 7 of the airport entry. Ten minutes and he’d move to check-in. “What about execution?” I asked as I found him checking his wristwatch for the confirmation. “What do you think?” He questioned me as if he’ll do it whatever was that I’ll speak of. All I could reply was a sigh. You can’t appear light when families are involved. Had it been a few years back, I would have suggested him to elope, as I have had on several occasions. We had a good laugh immediately after those too. On one occasion, we were at the verge of orchestrating it, but time went against us. This time it seems neutral.

    “What about her? What does she have to say?” I enquired before making any comment. He laughed as if I have told him the funniest joke he has heard in recent times. “What do you think she would say? She’s the one keeping me in check, talking sense into me.” I wasn’t surprised at all. He was damn lucky that way. I am not a jealous person at all, but I was jealous of him. And I had come clean about it many a time. If I had what he had found, I would have run away with it like my life was on the line. But here we stood to discuss the execution of a decision which is, hard. The only option they had, which was less practical, more idealistic. The option to wait.. till they can be together.

    “Then you know what to do!” I cheered him as if that’s the best decision anybody could have come up with. Probably it was, but I had turned too practical for my own good. I doubted how it would fare when your mother cries in front of you, your father refuses to talk to you as for him you have gone insane, and your brother is just being as practical and Mr Know-it-all as I was. But I realized that he knows it too, and its confirmation is not what he needs. What he needs is an affirmation, that some things are worth fighting against the odds. Some people, are worth much more. They find each other adding exponential value to each other. I am not a gambler, but if I had to bet my everything on a victory, this would have been it.

    “We’ll see how it goes.” His answer defied what his face let out, a relaxed grin, as he picked up his bag, gave me a hug, and walked towards the entry gate no. 7. Whereas, I stood there wondering, what would have happened if I had fallen in love with a girl, whose faith differed than mine.


  • TOWARDS THE SUNRISE

    “Wind is pretty strong here. Don’t you think so?” she said while facing the sun, eyes closed. “I just love the sunrise.”

    “You need to see it with your eyes open. Is that why you called me here? To see the sunrise? This early?” he grumbled, while squinting his eyes towards the sun with a disapproving look on his face.

    “Aww..! Sorry! Should have asked sun to rise a little late. Around 10 o’ clock would have been fine?” She looked back at him and let a smile slip by seeing his squinting mourning face. “Could you ever be less gloomy? Mornings fill people up with energy and positiveness, and then there’s you.” He could always make her smile, even without trying.

    “I called you, because I needed to tell you something urgent.” Her expression turned somber, as she shifted her gaze from him rubbing his eyes to the amber sun.

    His hands stopped midway. After a moment, his eyes stuck to the slowly rising sun, while completely avoiding her’s. “What is so important that I had to sacrifice my sleep for it?” He knew what it was. He got the news yesterday and since then his stomach had been churning.

    “The date is set. 4 March.” Her voice sounded clear, but distant.
    “That’s cool! So it’s finally happening.” He didn’t seem to blink.

    “Won’t you congratulate me?” She closed her eyes again to feel the wind rushing by her face. “I won. I got there first.”
    “So what? I knew you would win. I wasn’t even competing.” He smirked and closed his eyes too. The wind stopped. “Let’s go back. The sun has risen, and there is no wind.” He stood up and started walking.

    “Will you meet him?” She didn’t move from her place a bit.
    His steps halted. “Nah.. I have no interest in guys. Do tell me if he has a sister, or cousins!”
    “That you can see for yourself at the wedding.”     She looked at his back, still waiting for him to make eye contact.

    “You said 4 March, right? Aah.. The project I told you about, I think I would be in New Zealand around that time regarding that. So don’t forget getting their pictures clicked, and save a copy for me!” He spoke hurriedly, looking above at the sky with bluish hue. He seemed to be trying to find something, but got nothing. He knew it was going to happen. He had made peace with it.

    “Your project doesn’t start before may.” She said while still waiting. “You can make it..”
    He turned back and looked straight in her eyes. “I won’t.”
    She couldn’t say a word.

    “But I know it would be awesome! So do hire a professional to get the video done!” He laughed shortly before continuing back to his bike. She quietly stood up and started to move after him.

    When they reached near the bike, he stopped again, turned around and said, “Hey listen!”
    “Ya..” She said while continuing walking without looking up.
    “Thank you.” He smiled while sitting on the bike.
    She was surprised and looked up at him smiling. “What for?”
    He grinned. “I’ll be out of the Friend-zone, anyhow.”

    Her face was in a fix, as her lips were smiling but her eyes weren’t. She tried to see his, but he immediately covered it with the helmet. She sat behind him, as they drove off towards the rising sun.

    A new morning.

     

     

     

    Image Courtsey:
    http://orig05.deviantart.net/b824/f/2012/002/c/6/poon_hill_sunrise_by_shedofsteel-d4l1ev8.jpg