It all fades away.
The reality of the memory slowly gets evaporated into nothingness, all thanks to the dry winds generated by the moving hands of the clock. We keep the chunks escaping the sieve, and define those memories again, rewriting the nuances that suits our narration.
We fuck reality the way we want and give birth to our hallucinations.
हर दो कदम पर ठिठक कर, आस पास नज़रें घुमाता हूँ।
दूर किसी राह पर कोई साया दिखे,
तो मुँह मोड़ कर इमारतों के जंगलों में गायब हो जाता हूँ।
पक्के रास्तों से कभी बनी नहीं,
कच्ची राहों में वो नमी नहीं।
जहां कदम चले, वहीं आगे बढ़ जाता हूँ।
भटक जाता हूँ अपने आप को खोजने की कवायद में,
मेरे रास्ते पर चलने वाले ज़मीं पर निशाँ नहीं छोड़ते।
चलो चलें,
कि अब जो रास्ते मुख़ातिब हुए,
वो नज़रों के दायरे में पहले ना थे।
कि ख़्वाब जो बंद लिफाफों में रखे,
काग़ज़ों के पुलिंदों से गहरे ना थे।
कि ढल गया है सूरज, पता है।
दागदार चाँद आज भी दगाबाज़ है।
कि जितना लंबा साथ था,
आज हमउम्र उसकी बस याद है।
कि तन्हा यहाँ कब तक करूँ गुज़ारा,
हर जगह मेरा ही सामान है।
कि ढूँढ है तुम्हारी यहाँ वहाँ,
पर तुम यहाँ कहाँ।
तुम हो वहाँ जहाँ
ना मेरा कोई नामोनिशान है।
कि एकबारगी तुम कोस लेतीं,
मैं खुद दिन में सौ मर्तबा अपना ही गुनाहगार हूँ।
कि हक़ीक़त थीं तुम मेरी,
कोई सपना नहीं।
किस मुँह से मैं खुद को जवाब दूँ।
कि खो चुका हूँ एक हिस्सा अपना मैं
यादों की बारात में।
कि धंस चुकी है ज़िंदा लाश, बाकी जितनी,
ज़िंदगी के शमशान में।
कि हाथ में मेरे हैं कुछ चिथड़े
दामन-ए- उम्मीद के।
कि थक गया हूँ मैं, सुस्ता लूँ ज़रा,
मूँद आँखें संग आग़ाज़-ए-शब के।
Did I drop it?
Maybe I left it somewhere!
Did I even have it in the first place?
God, I wished so hard,
for it to be there.
But it never was,
What was it called again?
I did get some bits and pieces,
Some bloomed early,
some left in vain.
A To-Do List.
Still hangs unchecked.
Meant to remind me what needs to be done,
Still hangs there.
Ghost of all things left unsaid:
Saved mobile balance,
did top-up recharge
to last all night for long conversations.
Ended up using it all.
“Your main balance has been depleted by internet”,
was the mobile phone notification.
Asked friends for loan
against property – mobile
to collect pennies
for imaginary date nights.
Honed creativity,
each skill in subcategory,
gave splendid demonstrations
resulted in friendly favors.
Dropped hints to my mom
that her son has all grown.
something might be cooking,
which would end him getting disowned.
Supposedly held revolver,
loaded with blank,
Turned out, was a toy gun,
sprays water and shoots from opposite end.
I had it all ready,
A perfect runaway wedding plan.
A magistrate, I remained in contact with
Two set of legal IDs for witness,
and a book named
“How to start a new life in Japan?”
I wish I could have done it all alone
I seriously wish sometimes, I do
But there was an absence of culprit, you see
Whose name I could get painted in black,
or dark blue.
Someone whom parents blame,
for my sleepless nights and high mobile bills.
Someone whom friends despise,
Label as gold-digger, friend snatcher or plain buzzkill.
Someone who refuses to runaway,
Because obviously, we belong to different cast and parental love.
Someone, who acted wide eyed on the creative demo-gifts,
Even though believed that diamonds are always a cut above.
Had it been so,
the life would have been a sparkling, perfect gem.
Did I drop it? Maybe I left it somewhere
Did I even have it in the first place?
What was it again?
I locked away a part of me,
in a tiny mystery box.
A mystery so tough,
with false clues layered,
so that it takes forever to solve.
It always stays enclosed,
in the fortress of riddles.
No hint,
No sign.
Don’t want it to resolve.
Yet you dare enter.
Shining bright,
filled with warmth.
The fortress collapses,
the box dissolves.
I find the piece missing in me,
a jigsaw puzzle.
Too late to realize,
it makes me half
and the other half is you,
for whom I fall.
I try my best,
putting the puzzle together,
I tried too hard
but got not far.
So, I locked away a part of me,
in a tiny mystery box.
A mystery so tough,
with false clues layered,
so that it takes forever to solve.
ABSINRAW 