ABSINRAW

“What’s the difference between righteousness and conscience?”

This question came in as a wild plastic ball inwardly swinging in midair, completely out of my peripheral vision from the right, as I was finding something educational to watch on YouTube, like a 24-minute video about how to pick a lock, while trying to drown the cacophony of the megaphones outside the house, bathing in the resurgence of dodge-worthy covers of old patriotic songs by respected senior citizens of the society, that comes twice a year.

As I turned to my right, I could see her gleaming eyes locked on me raptly, as if she’s found something precious. She does it when she believes she has found a very interesting piece, specifically a question, to pry my brain. I used to wonder what she seeks out of it. Was it just to know my thoughts on it? Was it to maybe see if our thoughts align? Or was it the anticipation of a good long conversation? The correct answer is first and last by the way.

The question took me back to one of my favorite memories of engineering college. It was the external viva for the subject of Business Communication, and I had not read a word. Not turned even the first page of the reference book (Not dwelling on the “Why?” of it for now). I could always feel back the churnings in my stomach that I did while waiting for the impending doom, imagining the worst scenarios of how it would go. I decided to come out clean about my level of preparedness, in the hopes of maybe being spared with some dignity by the end of it, if not marks. When the questions started coming in, all I answered was what I could make out of it, by my own understanding. And lo! I found myself sitting in maybe the best viva I have ever given. That viva has given me and continues to give strength to be clueless but hopeful in many situations.

So, here I was, drawing and channeling that strength again, while unconsciously trying to mute down “…pareshaan hoon mai X3”, where the senior citizens had reached downstairs, whatever happened to patriotic songs in the while.

“I think righteousness has to do with the social definition of good and bad. A righteous person tries to align themselves to be on the good side, wherever it lies as per to societal constructs. Righteousness has rigidity at its core. Even a person who is self-righteous, when always trying to align by the good/right/correct side as per their own code or ethos, are rigid about it. The line drawn in between is very clear to them and they see everything to be on either side of it, where the line never/barely shifts.

Whereas conscience is like a compass. The course correction happens based on where you are right now. The pointing directions can be different for everyone. And the direction North, is ever evolving. We keep finding our own true North, as we learn more about where we are right now. There is no other way to find it. Nobody else can tell you which direction to move in, because they are not in your place, but maybe share how their true North appears to them.”

As I shut my mouth, after what I felt like an eternity, I realized the senior citizens have now delved into nostalgia, forgetting the occasion altogether. That’s what happens with Patriotism. When it stems from a seemingly righteous source, which otherwise you don’t know anything about. It turns into individualistic agendas before you even know.

I looked at her, whose face was now all serious. I liked my honest answer, so I was not worried about its correctness, definition-wise. But it seemed like maybe there is scope for improvement. And then she started about how apt my definition was in capturing the crux of it, and added her own points to it, and we kept talking.

Before I realized, the senior citizens were gone, and our conversation remained. YouTube was now suggesting me to watch a 15-minute video on learning to ride a Unicycle, if it is ever required to save life. But that wild curve ball had spiraled into a whirlpool of discussion, all due to an earnest winging swing.

I wish I could discuss more about what’s the difference between righteousness and conscience, or about the unlikely patriotic playlist, ft. Senior Citizens, or the shenanigans that took place after that viva fifteen years ago, or even what YouTube keeps on suggesting me to watch. But that’s not what it is about.

This is about how everything from my past, present, background and meta, merges in the conversation with one. The one with the gleaming eyes, that brings out everything inside of me that I wasn’t sure was there. The one that tells me that it’s not winging it, rather it’s a culmination of what you have questioned, observed, and analyzed. That challenges me, only because of the faith in me. Questions me, because of the belief that I have answers, or the willingness to find them.

Now that I think of it, that sounds like my true North.

What about you? Do you prefer drawing a line, or follow directions by a guide?